This is one crazy-ass movie. I'm still not sure if I liked it or hated it, and I may never know, but here goes. One night on the island of Sardinia, a peasant exclaims, "Holy cow!" as he witnesses a spaceship land and burrow into the ground, though he doesn't seem to tell anyone else about it. Later, the department of Advanced Geological Studies brings in Prof. Solmi to investigate a strange radioactive area of hollowness in the island's crust. Solmi, his free-spirited daughter Louisa—who's trying to break into the movies—and his handsome assistant Paolo head off to the island, with Louisa and Paolo flirting obnoxiously. On their first night there, after a mild earthquake in the middle of the night, all three, along with two fairly hunky engineers and a Geiger counter, go down in the earth to the hollowness in which they find a spaceship buried in rock which has been stuck there for two years. In the ship are a female alien named Kaena and two muscular guys named Belsey and Artie, all clad rather sexily (as is the daughter Louisa who I was really hoping would meet an early death, but no such luck). Arriving soon after are two Asian spies (who make a point of identifying themselves as "Oriental, not Chinese") who think the buried artifact is a weapon. The aliens force the professor to help them leave Earth, and the whole lot of them take off for Kaena's planet Hydra. Louisa gets some kind of kicky mod makeover, wearing a fishnet body stocking with a feather boa strategically wrapped around her. Kaena tells them she will return them to Earth after she gets home, but one of the "Oriental" spies overhears Kaena reporting to on overlord that she has no intention of letting them return. Suddenly, a couple minutes of footage from a movie called DOOMSDAY MACHINE with Casey Kasem communicating with a space station is inserted. And then things get really weird and hard to follow. Suffice to say that there are ape monsters, a spacewalk (without the need for a spacesuit), a crash landing, and two nuclear wars—if I followed it all, and I am by no means sure that I did.
This Italian film (badly dubbed, which is par for the course) was made in 1966 under the MISSIONE HYDRA name, but didn't get an American release until 1977 when it was called STAR PILOT (someone hoping to cash in on the Star Wars boom) and, I assume, the extra footage added, though it helps not a whit in understanding the proceedings. The first half hour plays like an amusing spy spoof until we meet the aliens when it becomes a less amusing space opera, and in its final moments it becomes a rather nihilistic message movie. If you must keep track of the plotlines, you are doomed to frustration, so just relax and chill to the sexy 60s vibes. Both women (Leonoro Ruffo as Kaena, Leontine May as Louisa) wear hotsy-totsy costumes; Belsey and Artie are decked out in form-fitting black outfits—and Belsey is played by Kirk Morris (pictured with May), one of the more handsome Italian musclemen from the sword-and-sandal era; and Paolo (Anthony Freeman), though fully dressed throughout, is quite attractive. The dialogue is atrocious; here's a sample of a dad-daughter heart-to-heart: "Hey, Pop, want some coffee?"; "Yes, dear"; "But it’s getting a bit late, isn’t it?"; "I guess so—never mind." As bad as it all is, I can't deny I had fun watching it, and I admit I'd love to see a clean widescreen version of it someday—the version I saw was full screen and in terrible shape.[YouTube]
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