HOLIDAY INN (1942)

Film buffs like myself who love to think and talk about genre often get quite worked up when trying to define what makes a movie a Christmas movie, as opposed to just a movie that is set at Christmastime. I've touched on this in the past; for me, the mere presence of Christmas isn't enough to make a movie a Christmas movie. Movies about the nativity would fit, but there aren't really many that focus solely on the birth of Jesus—2006's The Nativity Story is the only theatrical film that comes to mind. Some fans want the presence of magic or heavenly intervention to be an element of the story, which covers lots of classics, from Miracle on 34th Street to It's a Wonderful Life to any version of A Christmas Carol. Lacking magic, the presence of the holiday as a major element of the story may suffice. This lets in movies like The Man Who Came to Dinner, The Shop Around the Corner, and White Christmas—I fought for a while against this movie's inclusion in the holiday canon, despite its title, as it seems to me that Christmas is actually a minor part of the narrative, but I've decided to give up the fight and allow it in. Actually, any movie that has the word "Christmas" in its title is probably a Christmas movie. I'll even carve out a space for religious movies like Going My Way or Come to the Stable which only have one or two scenes set at Christmas. But I draw the line at films like Die Hard; though set at Christmas, the holiday is a fairly minor part of the story. The Lion in Winter is on the edge—it takes place entirely at Christmas though there aren't many holiday references aside from the great line, "What shall we hang—the holly or each other?" And that leaves me with HOLIDAY INN, a movie which is shown every Christmas and is the source of the classic song, “White Christmas,” yet whose holiday content is relatively small.

The film came to be as a project for showcasing the songs of Irving Berlin. The setting is a roadside inn that's open holidays only, and in addition to Christmas, we get songs about Thanksgiving, Easter, Valentine's Day, and Independence Day (a song which includes the deathless line. "On this day of independence / On this Independence Day…"). The story is a traditional take on a love triangle between showbiz folks. Jim and Ted are a song and dance team. Jim is getting married to their girl singer Lila and retiring to a lazy life on a farm, but Lila decides at the last minute that she loves Ted and wants to stay in the business. Jim, feeling betrayed, goes ahead and retires and eventually comes up with the idea to open the farm as a sprawling nightclub open on holidays only. He cozies up to his singer Linda and they become unofficially engaged, but soon Ted shows up, Lila having left him for a millionaire oil man, and falls for Linda. Let the silly games and tricks begin. There are two scenes set at Christmas. The first, with Jim teaching Linda "White Christmas" on Christmas night in front of a roaring fire, is lovely and atmospheric. The climax, the reconciliation of Jim and Linda, is also set at Christmas and features an instrumental version of  "White Christmas." The rest of the movie plays out over other holidays. And, oh yeah, Bing Crosby, later the king of Christmas TV specials, is Jim and Fred Astaire is Ted. 

I would argue that, if "White Christmas" had not become a pop culture phenomenon, the movie would probably have faded into relative insignificance like most of Bing's other movies. But having seen it quite possibly a hundred times or so, its place as a Christmas movie stalwart (and as a fun musical) is set solidly in my mind. Crosby, whatever else he may be, is generally not a great actor, and his casual performance here relies on his public persona for its effectiveness. Astaire is better, and his dancing scenes mostly outshine Bing's singing scenes. Marjorie Reynolds, as Linda, gives a B-movie performance which suffers from being in an A-movie. I enjoy Walter Abel as Ted's manager and Virginia Dale as Lila. Louise Beavers, as Jim's cook, has a couple of fun moments., especially when she scolds him for sitting around "like a jellyfish with the misery" when he thinks he's lost Linda to Ted. The set, the huge farmhouse set up as an inn, is spectacular—some might say it's practically a character itself, like Rick's Cafe in Casablanca. "White Christmas" is far and away the best song here, though the Valentine's song "Be Careful, It’s My Heart" is catchy. The rest of the songs aren't exactly classics, and the blackface number on Lincoln's birthday is painful to sit through; sometimes I skip it. But this movie always makes me feel warm and cuddly. It's a Christmas movie that can be watched any time of the year. Pictured at top are Crosby, Reynolds, Astaire and Dale. At right, Astaire, Crosby and Abel. [Blu-ray]

THE PLAY OF THE NATIVITY OF THE CHILD JESUS (1952 TV-movie)

The story of the Nativity is narrated in a series of episodes which each begin as stagy and shadowy tableaux that come to life when lit. The first features the Virgin Mary, in a spotlight, being visited by the angel Gabriel who tells her she will bear a holy child. Later, a confused Joseph is visited by Gabriel, and when he asks whose child it will be, Gabriel replies, "God’s and yours." Mary and Joseph head to Bethlehem where she gives birth in a lowly manger. The other major plotlines of the story are then introduced. In his throne room, King Herod receives word of the birth of a king whom he assumes will be a rival for his power, and he eventually orders the slaughter of all newborn Jewish boys. We also see the Three Kings who see the Star in the East and go to Bethlehem to worship the child and give their standard gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Meanwhile, a small group of shepherds, wrestling and carousing, are spooked by the bright Star in the sky and an angel sends them to Bethlehem where they give the child simple rough gifts; a young and handsome shepherd has nothing to give so he says he gives Jesus his heart and suggests they sing praises to the Lord as they leave. Finally, an angel warns Mary and Joseph about Herod's wrath and sends them to Egypt to escape the slaughter.

This hour-long TV program, originally broadcast live on Westinghouse Studio One in 1952, would normally be out of the realm of the sort of films I review here, but I found it interesting and unusual enough to report on. We are told at the opening that this was "fashioned from" a cycle of English mystery plays from the 14th and 15th centuries. It's mostly rendered in verse and we are warned about the archaic language (probably middle English though pronounced in modern fashion) that is used because it adds to "the sense men once had of the majesty […] of great events." Between the language, the live TV staging, and the murky look of the kinoscope recording, this will not be everyone's cup of tea, and indeed most IMDb viewers, who have little sense of history, report being disappointed that this 70+ year old program is so primitive looking. For me, the look and sound of the play gave it an ancient and slightly otherworldly feeling that did successfully convey the feeling of "majesty" promised in the prologue, an old-fashioned somewhat stiff reverence which is the polar opposite of the messier, earthier tone that modern restagings strive for. I agree with Matt Page of Bible Films Blog who notes that the stark look of the proceedings, scenes "largely in darkness punctuated only by the occasional shafts of light," adds a great deal of effective atmosphere. Carols such as "O Come, O Come Emmanuel," "Lo How a Rose E'er Blooming," "This Endris Night," and "Coventry Carol" are sung as background music by the Robert Shaw Chorale. The play is more staged than acted, and as is often the case with religious productions of this era, the actors seem too much in awe of the material to give actual performances, but the film was directed by Franklin Schaffner who went on to direct Patton and Planet of the Apes. Though the crediting is unclear, the show's creator Fletcher Markle, narrates, and Hurd Hatfield provides the voice of the unseen Gabriel. Sight and sound are affected by the poor quality of the version on YouTube, but actually that adds to the out-of-time feel of the play. [YouTube]

MERRY CHRISTMAS, TED COOPER (2025)

Ted Cooper is a TV weatherman in Corning, New York. He's handsome and sweet-natured and considers himself a people pleaser, which is why he's inclined to turn down an offer from a bigger station in Buffalo as he feels he owes fidelity to his boss. He is also known for his bad luck at Christmas, to the point that his co-workers have a pool going to predict his latest accident—will he, say, chip his tooth on a candy cane or get stabbed in the eye with a Christmas tree or choke on fruitcake? (As it happens, yes to two of them.) He heads to Lackawanna, his hometown, to help his sister, who is doing fundraising for a new hospital wing, by running promos and hosting a gingerbread baking contest. He gets knocked out by a box of Christmas lights and ends up at urgent care where he's attended to by Hope Miller, a girl he had a crush on in high school. They strike sparks and Ted's sister Kate pushes him to start officially dating Hope. Things go well, but this being a Hallmark movie, some complications rear their ugly heads in the last half-hour, one involving a lost cell phone and a more serious one involving Hope's concern that Ted won't stand up for himself when he needs to. All is resolved in the last five minutes when Ted and Hope kiss on live television—something that is, oddly enough, also in the Ted Cooper Christmas mishap pool.

Whenever I think I'm about to give up on Hallmark Christmas movies (repetition of plots and situations, padding in the last half-hour), I run across one like this that I enjoy enough to recommend. For at least the first two-thirds, this is fun and delightful with two charismatic lead actors and at least some originality in the writing. Robert Buckley (pictured) is perfect as the charming and handsome Ted and he never makes a false move. Kimberly Sustad provides a nice balance as the more serious and practical love interest. Though Ted is always optimistic and a bit of a pushover, I think Hope's concerns about him are overblown by the script and the genre's need to set up obstacles in the home stretch. This is why the first hour is so good and the last hour feels weaker. Still, the two leads make this worth staying to the end. Hallmark veteran Brendan Penny is quite fun as the newscaster who loves to poke fun at Ted—he verges on being mean spirited, but Penny's performance is light and fun. The other supporting players tend to fade into the background, with the best being Barbara Pollard as one of Ted's beloved teachers and Tal Shulman in a small bit as a hungover escape room employee who leaves Ted and Hope in the escape room overnight. (It stretched my suspension of disbelief to imagine that the two of them kept their hands off each other all night long in a typically Hallmarkian display of dragging out romantic tension.) There’s a fun bit of business in the beginning when Ted arrives in Lackawanna and has accidentally picked up the suitcase of a college girl, leaving him wearing a pink Christmas crop sweater for a while, and yes, Buckley even looks good in that. Buckley also co-wrote the teleplay, and I like to think that he's responsible for the originality and the most of the fun business. A definite bright spot on the 2025 Hallmark schedule. [Hallmark Channel]

THE MISTLETOE PROMISE (2016)

It's December and Elise is tired of eating her lunch alone in a mall and being serenaded by pesky carolers. The handsome Nick, also eating alone, sees her predicament and pretends to be her boyfriend to get rid of the carolers. Elise is founder and co-owner, with her ex-husband Dan, of a travel agency. Dan wants to cut back on the company's charitable activities as a money saving measure but also because he knows that the charity work is her thing. Nick is a divorce lawyer who is in line to be made partner, but the company custom is to only promote married people (or maybe people in relationships, it's not terribly clear). The two decide for their mutual benefit to set up a contract they call the Mistletoe Promise: they'll pose as a couple so Elise can make Dan jealous and Nick can be more confident of getting promoted. They'll accompany each other on social occasions through Christmas but they agree to not actually get involved. Can you guess what happens? Yes, you can. Storywise, this is both unoriginal and sloppily plotted, especially as concerns the relationship between Elise and her ex. They’ve been apart for four years and are still acting like children? Nick has some sad back stories, including getting left at the altar by his fiancée and having some career problems, but why is he faking a relationship to get a partnership for a firm whose policies he opposes? Basically, Elise and Nick are using each other to get back at or curry favor with total douchebags. I found it hard to get past this premise—surprisingly, this is based on a book by bestselling author Richard Paul Evans and I would have expected a tighter narrative. But, sigh, Hallmark dreamboat Luke Macfarlane plays Nick so I stuck with it, even though there are virtually no surprises in the story, Jaime King (Elise) is attractive but makes too many pouty faces. However, the two of them (pictured) work OK together. I enjoyed some of the supporting performances, especially Christie Laing and Erin Boyes as employees of Elise’s and Lochlyn Munro as the slimy (Dan). But this is the kind of movie in which you notice errors. For example, every shot from inside Elise’s office building shows it snowing outside rather heavily, but the outdoor scenes show almost no snow except when it's needed for a snowman building contest. I know that predictability is a hallmark (get it?) of these movies, so you can shut off your brain and feel all gooey inside, but too often this felt a little insulting. But, Luke Macfarlane, sigh… [Hallmark Channel]

DECK THE HALLS ON CHERRY LANE (2024)

I'm starting off my week or so of Christmas movie reviews with this gimmicky one from Hallmark. Their series of Cherry Lane movies each feature three Christmas romance stories set in different years in one house on Cherry Lane. The film cuts back and forth between the stories, and by the end, we have seen some direct but hidden connections emerge between the families. The stories: 1) In 1966, single homeowner Stephanie entered a TV station contest and won. The prize is that local variety show host Tommy Saunders will broadcast his show from her home on Christmas Eve. But Stephanie decides her house is too small to fit a TV show crew so she asks neighbor David, a research scientist lacking in social skills, who lives with his fellow scientist Curtis, if she can use his house. He reluctantly agrees but is not happy to be told that he and Stephanie have to pose as husband and wife. 2) In 1981, John invites a business associate and his wife who are house hunting to spend Christmas Eve with him, his wife Lizzie, and their young daughter Ivy. We find out that John has a firm offer to move to Michigan for a better job. We also find out that Lizzie has just found out she's pregnant. They have both kept these secrets from each other, but the potentially clashing secrets eventually come out. 3) In 2000, recently divorced workaholic Rebecca is spending Christmas Eve working from home, but her lifelong best friend Matt has come over and tries to talk her into solving a neighborhood secret: who is it who is anonymously doing nice things for people (shoveling snow, baking cookies, etc.), leaving only an unsigned Christmas card behind? 

Cute idea, though I had a little problem in the beginning keeping track of the time periods as there is not a lot of era differentiation in the sets and costumes. By the 30 minute mark, I had them set in my head. One thing I liked about this format is that we're essentially getting three different stories that don’t really need ninety minutes of time to play out. Each winds up being about thirty minutes and takes place on just one day, Christmas Eve. Some characterization is sacrificed but some padding is also dispensed with. The John and Lizzie story (John Brotherton and Erin Cahill) is the best as it feels fairly real and has the best closure. David (Benjamin Hollingsworth) and Stephanie (Chelsea Hobbs) lack chemistry, and David isn’t nearly as nerdy as he should be. Alex Rose contributes some nice comic relief as Curtis. I love Brooke D’Orsay (Rebecca) and her slightly quirky looks have matured nicely. She clicks well with Sam Page (Matt) as old friends, and the predictable turn to romance at the end feels right. Singer Matt Dusk (who was briefly a kind of rival to Michael Bublé back in the 90s) is fine as TV host Tommy who we're prepped to think will be a jerk but isn't. I also like Jaime M. Callica as Kyle, the business friend of John's. I’m shallow enough to want handsome leading men, and all three here fit the bill, with Brotherton (pictured) winning honors as the sauciest, though he also occasionally gets a weirdly intense look in his eyes that made me wonder if he was going to lose his shit in his next scene. He never does. The connections between the three stories, laid out in the last ten minutes, are clever. There are apparently links to the earlier three films, which I might or might not watch in the future. [Hallmark Channel]

MONTE CARLO (1930)

The Countess Helene is about to marry Duke Otto after two false starts. Despite signs and banners about the sun always shining on them, it pours down rain and she leaves him at the altar for the third time. (Otto sings, "I really am a simple-minded soul" and the guests sing, "He’s a simp, he’s a simp." And he is a bit of a simp.) Helene and her maid Bertha get on a train to Monte Carlo, planning to win a lot of money at the gambling tables. She wins big at first but then loses everything, to the interest of Count Rudolph who watches from afar but can't get her to pay attention to her. He meets her hairdresser Paul who tells Rudolph how much she depends on him, so Rudolph pays Paul to vacate his position and let Rudolph take his place. She whimsically declares she doesn't like the name Rudolph so she calls him Paul, but soon he has become her servant and chauffeur. When she tells him she has to let him go because she's out of money, he pretends to gamble with her last bit of cash, then gives her money of his own to tide her over. Her affections for Rudolph fluctuate wildly—she is attracted to him, but he's just one of the help—until Duke Otto arrives to try and get Helene back. The finale includes Helene attending the opera of Monsieur Beaucaire, the plot of which involves a nobleman pretending to be a hairdresser for romantic purposes. When she sees Rudolph at the opera, she figures out what's going on, and unlike in the opera, a happy ending is in store for her.

An early sound musical from Ernst Lubitsch, this is operetta-like material that is played in a frothy manner in which nothing important ever feels at stake. Claud Allister, the pre-Code go-to guy for playing effeminate twits, is Duke Otto, so we know from the first moments that he won't wind up with Helene, played by Jeanette MacDonald, the queen of high-class 1930's romantic musicals. Jack Buchanan, a British musical comedy star who was little known here (his biggest Hollywood role was as the egotistical director in THE BAND WAGON) comes off a bit fey and maybe a little too old for MacDonald—he was around 40, she was not yet 30—but we know he'll win the damsel with his riches and his charms. I loved the first twenty minutes or so with its mobile camerawork and frivolous tone. The opening song, "She’ll Love Me and Like It," sung by Otto and the wedding guests, reminded me of the opening minutes of the Marx Brothers' classic ANIMAL CRACKERS. There’s another fun song, "Trimmin' the Women," an ode to hairdressing sung by the hairdressing men, and MacDonald sings "Beyond the Blue Horizon," which became a standard. But after a few minutes in Monte Carlo, things bog down a bit, partly due to Helene becoming less and less sympathetic. But on balance, this mostly remains bubbly fun. ZaSu Pitts has little to do as Bertha, the maid, and Tyler Brooke (Rudolph's buddy) and John Roche (the real hairdresser) are fine. Pictured are MacDonald and Buchanan. [Criterion Channel]

YOUNG DILLINGER (1965)

We first see young John Dillinger (Nick Adams) and his young girlfriend Elaine (Mary Ann Mobley)---it's implied that they are 21 years old, give or take a year—rolling around, making out in the grass. Worked up into a lather, she decides they should get married right away but he worries about money, so she suggests they break into her father's company's safe that night. They do but are caught and recognized by the night watchman. The two get away and head to a justice of the peace for a quick wedding, but he won't perform the ceremony without proper ID. Living together in the big city, they go out to see James Cagney in The Public Enemy after Dillinger does a passable imitation of him, but are soon caught. Elaine's father asks Dillinger to take the fall and leave his daughter out of it, promising a lenient jail sentence, but instead he's given five to twenty years. His cellmate is Pretty Boy Floyd (the fairly pretty Robert Conrad) and after an initial scuffle in which they beat each other up, they become buddies. Along with Baby Face Nelson and Homer Van Meter, the four plot an escape. They fake an uprising and Dillinger helps the guards, setting himself up for an early release, after which he will contact a gangster named Rocco in Chicago to come and break them out. But the plans don't quite work. Instead of being released, Dillinger is sent to an honor farm. During the transfer, Elaine shows up to help him escape. Rocco rejects his plea for help, after which Dillinger spits in his face, then guns him down. Still, somehow, Dillinger and Elaine help his three prisoner buddies escape during a work detail, and, along with some feminine company, they form a gang pulling off small-scale robberies. Floyd gets in touch with a former mentor named Hoffman (the running joke is that they treat him like a college professor) who sets up a couple of jobs for them, but during an armored car robbery, things go sideways and Dillinger is wounded. When Dillinger's face appears in the newspapers, he has a shady doctor perform plastic surgery to change his looks. While Dillinger is recovering (in lots of pain and waiting for a shot of morphine), the doc tries to rape Elaine, on top of which, the surgery doesn't take. Dillinger ties the doc up in a wheelchair and rolls him into a river. After a big bank robbery, the gang is cornered by cops in a cabin when Elaine announces she is pregnant and wants to give up the life of crime. Because this is called "Young" Dillinger, he ends the movie still on the run, though an ending crawl tells us most assuredly that crime never pays!

This black & white B-film was considered quite violent in its day, and the violence is still impressive, though it's not gory or graphic, two things that 1967's Bonnie and Clyde would be a couple of years later. The Warren Beatty movie might have taken at least some inspiration from this movie in terms of the way the narrative is laid out (two attractive messed-up rural-type kids who form a crime gang, rob banks, kill people, and make headlines). That's not to say this film is anywhere near the quality of Bonnie and Clyde, but it's better than its reputation might lead you to believe. Nick Adams, sometimes referred to as the poor man's James Dean—they were in Rebel Without a Cause together and became friends (and maybe more if you believe the gossip)---is fine as Dillinger, brash and perhaps too confident in his criminal talents. Unlike Warren Beatty in Bonnie and Clyde, Adams never really comes off as sexy here, though Mary Ann Mobley, a former Miss America from Mississippi, certainly does. Robert Conrad (Floyd) and John Ashley (Baby Face Nelson) are plenty sexy, even if nothing is done with that energy—a three-way with Dillinger, Floyd, and Nelson would have spiced up the movie. Victor Buono has fun with his two short scenes as Hoffman and John Hoyt is a nicely slimy doctor. The low budget leaves us with drab sets, and is probably the reason that the movie does not have a 1920s feel at all; no period costumes or set decorations except for the cars. But cinematographer Stanley Cortez (Night of the Hunter, The Magnificent Ambersons) delivers some nice camera moves and angles in black & white widescreen. The script is also weak, giving us no background into anyone's character; we learn little more about Dillinger and Elaine than we knew while they were making out in the grass in the first scene. Certainly watchable, and possibly Nick Adams' best movie role; he’s better known for a 50s TV western series called The Rebel which was airing in reruns into the mid-60s. Pictured at left are Conrad and Adams. [TCM]

THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND (1929)

In the kingdom of Hetvia, oppression has roused discord among the citizens, and a revolution might put Baron Falon on the throne. His friend Count Dakkar has retreated to his private island where residents live in peace and equality without political strife while working for him on his scientific research. Falon wants Dakkar to join him but Dakkar is not interested; he has built two submarines which he hopes can make it to the bottom of the ocean to test his theory, based on bone fragment discoveries, that humanoid beings might live down there—people of the abyss, as he calls them later. Dakkar's sister Sonia has the hots for chief engineer Nikolai, who is mostly too busy to reciprocate, though the increasingly sinister seeming Falon wants Sonia for himself. The first ship is launched, to the accompaniment of the workmen praying and singing, with Nikolai at the helm and Dakkar on land in communication with the ship. Falon and his men attack the island, wanting Dakkar's plans for the ships so he can use them for purposes of world conquest. There is torture, rescue, wicked trickery, and eventually the appearance of the underwater people (who, though they look like little cartoonish ducks, are dangerous) and a couple of mutant monsters, a lizard and an octopus. Ultimately the good guys win, though Dakkar, mortally wounded and disillusioned, has his shipyard destroyed and sets himself out in his ship to die alone.

Though supposedly based on the novel by Jules Verne (which introduced the character of Captain Nemo), this has almost nothing to do with the original story; the 1961 film is much more faithful. This has sci-fi elements but it's mostly an adventure melodrama. You can read about the production's complicated history online, but even knowing nothing about that, a viewer can tell there were problems. It went through three directors and a change from silent to semi-sound, which resulted in reshooting all the scenes involving Falon when the accented Warner Oland was replaced by Montagu Love. As it is, only the opening segment is in full sound. There are sound effects; some work but some are weirdly intrusive. A few scenes feature a clang or a footstep, but no dialogue when people open their mouths, and that just doesn't feel right. The sets (both on the island and in the ship) and the underwater action are effective, the acting a little less so. A relatively young looking Lionel Barrymore seems a bit (pardon the pun) at sea, especially in the sound section where he constantly fidgets and wipes at his face and hair as he delivers exposition. Montagu Love is appropriately villainous as Falon and Lloyd Hughes is handsomely heroic as Nikolai. In her early scenes, Jacqueline Gadsdon seems like a passive and flighty Sonia, but she soon becomes fully engaged in the action. The merpeople come off like Munchkins in Donald Duck outfits and never quite seem scary but their numbers are impressive. More an interesting novelty than a fully engrossing movie, but fun to watch. Pictured are Barrymore and Hughes. [YouTube]

THE TERRORNAUTS (1967)

In England, Simon Oates is the head of Project Startalk, a small group of scientists who are searching for radio transmissions that might come from intelligent life in space. Oates was inspired by a childhood incident in which a strange, possibly alien, black box artifact dug up by his archeologist uncle triggered a vivid dream vision of being on a barren planet with two moons. For years, their progress reports have been singularly empty and Max Adrian, the cranky bureaucrat in charge of their funding, gives them ninety days to get concrete results or lose the project. Later, Oates and his colleagues (Zena Marshall and Stanley Meadows) discover a repeating transmission coming from the asteroid belt, though Adrian says that an asteroid is very unlikely to support life. That evening, while an accountant (Charles Hawtrey) is going through their books and a tea cart lady (Patricia Hayes) is dispensing beverages, a giant spaceship appears in the sky and pulls their small building up into space and attaches it to the bottom of the ship. A spindly Dalek-like creature seems to be testing their intelligence, though the humans suspect that it may be merely an "ultrasonic hallucination." They also run across the body of a long-dead humanoid, and soon stumble (literally) onto a transporter platform that sends them to a planet that is exactly like what the young Oates saw in his vision, which serves as a warning about a fleet of advanced aliens who will likely attack Earth soon. The black box that Oates had as a child is a repository of knowledge and power, and several are given to the earthlings; can they master the boxes and beat back the coming attack?

Doctor Who meets Thunderbirds in this rather juvenile low-budget sci-fi film from Amicus, a rival of Hammer Studios in the 60s and 70s. In fact, the whole thing is so silly that I'm surprised this wasn't a pilot for a kiddie TV series. Weirdly, the script is by John Brunner, a respected SF author who won a Hugo just a couple of years later for Stand on Zanzibar, an experimental novel which is still in print, and it's based on a novel by Murray Leinster, a pulp writer whose books also remain available. The plot may have some good ideas, such as the boy's vision and the concept of the black boxes, and the theme of aliens communicating to warn us about some danger is interesting, but the cheap production values (especially the Space Invaders climax) and the strained comic relief of the accountant and the tea lady hurt the film. Charles Hawtrey was a British comic actor well known for his participation on the Carry On series of comedies from 1958 to 1972, though I know him for a shoutout he gets on the Beatles' Let It Be album ("I Dig a Pygmy by Charles Hawtrey and the Deaf-Aids"). Patricia Hayes has a small part as the dog-walking old lady in A Fish Called Wanda. They add nothing much to the narrative except as the voices of non-scientists; I didn't get too irritated by them but I could have done without them. In a different era, they might have been played by Edward Everett Horton and Una O'Connor (thanks to my husband for that insight). Simon Oates' performance doesn't get much critical love, but I thought he was a good low-key hero. The other two actors practically vanish while they're on screen, but again, they don't give offense. Posters for the film reference a "virgin sacrifice to the gods," which is a 20-second scene that leads nowhere. Favorite line: Oates says, "The laws of the universe weren't made by an accountant," and Hawtrey drily replies, "Pity." Despite the title, there isn't really a moment of terror here. [Streaming]

I, JANE DOE (1948)

Stephen Curtis is found shot to death, and the apparent killer is a European woman who refuses to give her name or indeed any explanation at all. She is put on trial as Jane Doe, doesn't testify, and is found guilty and sentenced to death. She promptly faints in the courtroom, and when it's discovered that she is pregnant, her execution is delayed. Stephen's widow Eve, a former lawyer, returns to her practice to defend Jane in a retrial, granted due to her pregnancy. In court, Jane finally identifies herself as Mrs. Stephen Curtis. Flashbacks to the beginning of the war show that Eve and Stephen were happy until evidence cropped up suggesting that Stephen had been unfaithful. Before Eve can think the situation through, Stephen is drafted and sent to France where his plane is shot down and Jane, whose real name is Annette, saves him from the Nazis who are hunting him. They fall in love and marry (with Annette not knowing this makes him a bigamist), with Stephen saying he'll take her back to the States once he's released from the service. The end of the war comes but Stephen doesn't; instead he asks for an annulment, so Annette gets a forged passport and heads to New York City. Stephen is surprised to see Annette, Annette is surprised to see Eve, and Eve is, well, that might be a spoiler. Suffice to say that a confrontation occurs leaving Stephen dead and the two women in a potentially sticky situation. Much of this narrative, including the ending, strains credibility, especially for anyone with much knowledge of the American legal system. As a B-movie courtroom thriller, it works OK. Ruth Hussey is the standout cast member as Eve, acting kind of like a feminist icon here: sly, powerful, dignified. I can't remember if we ever get an explanation as to why Eve didn't testify about the case's background from the beginning (she may have been out of the country), but it feel like a contrived situation. John Carroll, a favorite B-lead of mine, is attractive and slimy as Stephen. Gene Lockhart goes a bit against his grain as the occasionally angry prosecutor. John Howard and Benay Venuta are fine in supporting roles. Most critics find Vera Ralston, as Jane, to be a problem. Ralston's lack of talent made her the butt of jokes in Hollywood, and she is stiff and unnatural here, but I thought that more or less fit the character, a simple country woman who gets into things above her head, and she spends much of the film looking like a deer in headlights. The narrative structure, with two long flashback sequences, is interesting, but the plot itself is bland and developed in a by-the-numbers way. How to wrap this up? Rarely exciting, sometimes straining credibility, but watchable. A must for Ruth Hussey fans. Pictured are Carroll and Hussey. [YouTube]

THE INVISIBLE WOMAN (1940)

Playboy John Howard has just paid out $100,000 to settle yet another breach of promise lawsuit and has to break it to eccentric scientist John Barrymore that he can no longer finance Barrymore's projects, the latest of which involves making living beings invisible. But Barrymore has already placed an ad in the newspaper looking for a willing subject for his experiment. Virginia Bruce, a dress model, applies, thinking of it as a fun adventure. Her boss (Charles Lane) is a despicable bully and she plans on getting revenge against him while invisible. The experiment is a success and the invisible (and naked) Bruce goes to the office and literally kicks Lane's ass until he promises to be a better boss. Meanwhile, wanted gangster Oscar Homolka, in hiding in a Mexican border town, gets wind of the device and sends his thugs to steal it so he can turn invisible and return home. Barrymore takes Bruce to Howard's hunting lodge to prove his machine works. After some visible and invisible flirtation, the two fall for each other, and when Bruce gets a little drunk, Barrymore soon discovers that ingesting alcohol makes the invisibility last longer than it should. When the crooks get hold of the machine, slapstick scenes ensue until the machine is recovered and Howard decides to abandon his playboy ways and settle down with Bruce.

I first saw this on TV when I was a young horror movie fan and I was very disappointed to find that, despite being considered a sequel to the Universal horror classic The Invisible Man, it's not horror at all, but a kind of sci-fi screwball comedy. Watching it as an adult, I actually found the whole thing fairly delightful. The titillation factor (considering the era in which it was made) is high; much is made of Bruce being naked for most of the film, though of course we never actually see any skin because, well, she's invisible. Instead, there are several scenes of her getting dressed or undressed in addition to the various special effects, similar to the ones used in the 1933 original and its first sequel. The cast is pretty much B-level, but they're more than up to the task of giving fizzy performances. Bruce, one of my favorite B-actresses, is very good (and very attractive) in the title role; Howard is fine, Lane is nicely mean until he reforms, and Edward Brophy and Donald McBride are in good form as Homolka's bumbling goons. Barrymore, who had fallen on hard times due to his drinking, still manages to give a solid comic performance, and actually has more screen time with Bruce than Howard does. However, the most fun comes from Charlie Ruggles as Howard's butler who doesn't have a lot to do but is present for much of the film and always drily funny. Margaret Hamilton (pictured with Barrymore) has a small role as does Mary Gordon who was Sherlock Holmes’ landlady in the Basil Rathbone movies. Things bog down a bit in the middle at the lodge, but overall, at 72 minutes, the pace is about right. [Blu-ray]

SANDOKAN THE GREAT (1963)

In Victorian era British Malay, Lord Hillock's forces have ruled using brutal treatment of the natives. We see the execution by firing squad of three rebels who shout the name of the rebel pirate Sandokan as they die. The local sultan is being held in jail and his son Sandokan has vowed to free his father. His plan is to kidnap Hillock's niece Mary Ann and hold her hostage. His chief assistant, the Portuguese Yanez, impersonates a British messenger and tells Hillock that Sandokan is dead, which results in the British letting down their guard and allowing Sandokan and his men to get away with the niece. She is, of course, indignant, but a few things change her opinion about Sandokan: she learns his mission, she discovers that Hillock was responsible for the death of Yanez's wife, and Sandokan saves her from a tiger attack. Oh yeah, and they fall in love. As Sandokan's group heads for a sea escape, the British follow, aided by a traitor among the rebels. Yanez is wounded and gangrene is about to set in when they wind up in a native village and a blue-haired witch doctor woman applies mildew (which we know is related to penicillin) to the wound, saving his life. Eventually Sandokan is captured and set to be executed, but with the help of Yanez and Mary Ann and, most importantly, the natives, the British are sent packing after a number of them are slaughtered, with the natives left in charge of the area and Mary Ann staying with the wandering Sandokan.

Sandokan is a pulp fiction pirate hero from a series of Italian novels. Largely because Steve Reeves plays Sandokan, this movie is often classed as a sword and sandal (peplum) film even though it’s set in the 19th century, has more guns than swords, no sandals, and few bare chests—though we do see Reeves shirtless for a split second. As a pulpy anti-colonial adventure story, it works well enough. Reeves, dressed more like an Arabian Nights character than a pirate, is fine as a heroic lead; he'd only make two more movies before retiring from the screen, still in his 40s and still looking good. Genevieve Grad is a bit lightweight as Mary Ann, seeming more like a college girl than a member of the British ruling class. Better are Andrea Bosic as Yanez, Sandokan's chief support, and Rik Battaglia as Sambigliong, a native associate who actually is shirtless for much of the movie. A handsome fellow named Mario Valdemarin plays one of Hillock's men. There's a good attack scene early on, a not-so-good tiger attack, pulled off with a stuffed tiger, and a great kick-ass action sequence in the last ten minutes with Reeves manning a gatling gun and slaughtering Brits by the dozen. Location filming in Sri Lanka (then Ceylon) is an asset. Good Saturday afternoon entertainment. [DVD]

THE FAT MAN (1951)

At a dental conference at a Manhattan hotel, California dentist Dr. Bromley is attacked and thrown out of a window to his death on the sidewalk below. The official police verdict is accidental fall, but his nurse Jane (Jayne Meadows) suspects foul play, especially because a set of dental x-rays was stolen. She approaches private detective Brad Runyon (J. Scott Smart) whom Bromley had an appointment to see. Known as the Fat Man for his large size and his love of gourmet food—we see him give a cooking demonstration as though it were a medical operation—he is reluctant to get involved until Jane and his associate Bill (Clinton Sundberg) are attacked. Jane relates the odd story of Roy Clark (Rock Hudson), the patient whose x-rays were stolen: he arrived one day looking disheveled and confused and needing a tooth pulled. A week later, he appeared in the office to pay for his extraction, dressed in nice clothes with a wad of cash and a chauffeur. Back in California, some interesting discoveries are made. Roy met a woman named Pat (Julie London) in a bar and they hit it off. He tells her of his criminal past: he served time for an armored car robbery though his accomplices escaped. When he was released, he went to Gene Gordon (John Russell), the planner of the robbery and now a respectable ranch owner, though the local police are sure he's got connections to the underworld. Gene gave Roy some money, but not his full share of the robbery dough, and now Roy is missing. Runyon tracks down Roy's former cellmate, Ed Deets, now a clown at an amphitheater circus. When Jane is murdered because of her suspicions, Brad and Bill have to get serious in order to get the guilty parties.

The Fat Man was a radio show character created by Dashiell Hammett and voiced by Smart, who plays him here. Smart is OK, amusing and light on his feet (especially in a short dance scene with Pat), but he lacks the gravitas and charisma of someone like Sydney Greenstreet who could have done this part in his sleep. Clinton Sundberg is fun as the doofusy but reliable assistant, Jayne Meadows is a standout as the nurse, and I like B-actor John Russell as the shady Gene. But the real standouts here are sultry singer Julie London and hunk Rock Hudson in one of his earliest featured roles. Later, Hudson acquired a veneer of seriousness even in his fluffy romantic comedies with Doris Day, but here he is fresh and baby-faced and casually sexy and is quite good. London gives her role some depth, and I'm sorry that both actors have somewhat limited screen time. Jerome Cowan is fine as the cop, and real-life clown celebrity Emmett Kelly is surprisingly subtle in a rare dramatic role as Ed Deets. There are characters named Pinky and Shifty and Happy, and both Brad and Bill call everyone "Sweetheart." Though Smart is adequate, I don't think he could have carried a Fat Man series, even a second feature series. Pictured are London and Hudson. [YouTube]

THE DEVIL BAT’S DAUGHTER (1946)

In the small town of Wardsley, a young woman is found in the street, unconscious. She had just come to town and a cab driver took her to the Carruthers house, which is empty after the death of Dr. Carruthers years ago. It turns out she is Nina, the doc's daughter. Years ago, Carruthers was accused of being a vampire, having bred gigantic bats which attacked and killed a number of townspeople before they turned on him. With Nina still unresponsive, Dr. Elliot gets Dr. Morris, a psychiatrist, to attend to her. Nina wakes up but becomes hysterical as she has visions of giant bats, and of turning into a bar along with her father. Morris's wife Ellen insists on Nina staying with them, and we soon discover that Ellen's marriage is on the rocks, with Morris having an affair with Myra, an old friend of Ellen's. Ted, Ellen's son from a previous marriage, arrives for a visit and mild romantic sparks begin between him and Nina. However, Nina's condition worsens and Ted's dog is found dead in Nina's room, with Nina insisting that she must have killed it while possessed by her evil father. As plans are made to institutionalize Nina, Ellen is found dead in her bedroom, with Nina passed out in the hallway. It seems obvious that Nina is the killer, but Ted doesn't think so and with help from Dr. Elliot, Ted visits the Carruthers house and finds evidence that points to someone else as the killer. Can Ted clear Nina's name, and maybe even her father's name as well?

In theory, this is a sequel to a 1940 B-horror film called THE DEVIL BAT which featured Bela Lugosi as Carruthers, though the connections don't quite work. In the original film, the doctor is indeed a madman (with no daughter in sight) murdering people with bats for revenge. But this movie concludes with Carruthers being exonerated—it's not explained in detail except that the killings were not his fault—so I guess PRC, the Poverty Row studio that made both movies, assumed that no one would remember the details of the first film. The screenwriter, Griffin Jay, pulled similar rewriting moves when he scripted some of the Mummy sequels for Universal. The earlier Lugosi film is straight up horror, but this, despite flirting with a spooky atmosphere, is really more a psychological thriller akin to GASLIGHT. Everything about the film screams B-movie (or B-minus movie): cheap production values, scattershot writing, and bottom of the barrel acting. The actors seem to have been hired for their blandness. Rosemary LaPlanche is pretty bad as Nina—she can handle the catatonia at the beginning, but any emotions are beyond her reach. There is zero chemistry between her and John James (Ted), who himself is just mildly better than LaPlanche. The other actors aren't even worth mentioning. At some point, poor LaPlanche actually has to say the cliche line, "What’s to become of me?" The fact that we don't care shows how weak this movie is. Pictured is LaPlante with Michael Hale. [YouTube]

CHARLIE CHAN IN PANAMA (1940)

A group of travelers leave their ship, which is about to go through the Panama Canal, and instead take a sea plane that will get them to Panama City more quickly. It's 1940 and the U.S. wasn't officially in WWII yet, but the American naval fleet is about to pass through into the Pacific Ocean and the city is filled with spies. One of the passengers, Godley, visits Fu Yuen's hat shop, but Fu Yuen is actually Charlie Chan and Godley is a government agent asking for his help in tracking down a mysterious spy named Ryner who might be about to pull off a major act of sabotage. But Godley drops dead in the shop, victim of a poisoned cigarette that was planted on him by one of the sea plane passengers. Chan, with his son Jimmy, investigates. Among the suspects: Compton, an English novelist; Miss Finch, a maiden schoolteacher; Manolo, owner of a cabaret in the city; Dr. Grosser, an unfriendly research scientist; Cabot, an American engineer; and Kathi Lenesch, a woman with a mysterious past who is going to sing at Manolo's cabaret. Jimmy, who engages in his usual bumbling antics, actually discovers something potentially helpful: Grosser has a cage of rats that he has injected with bubonic plague; could that be part of a sabotage act? Or could it involve the liquid explosive that is discovered in a burial vault? This is one of several WWII Chan films in which Charlie worked for the government, using his detective skills to catch spies. This is a particularly strong entry in the series, packed with action scenes and a solid supporting cast which includes Lionel Atwill (Compton) who was equally at home as a villain or a red herring; the handsome and sturdy Kane Richmond (Cabot) who was usually a hero but not always; Jean Rogers (Kathi) who was best known as Dale Arden in the first two Flash Gordon serials; Mary Nash (Miss Finch) who was Katherine Hepburn's mother in The Philadelphia Story; and Jack La Rue (Manolo), frequent portrayer of gangsters. Victor Sen Yung (pictured) is quite appealing as Jimmy, coming off a little less bombastically than he sometimes does, and Sidney Toler is near the top of his game as Chan. Even though it's not quite a traditional mystery story, this would be a good place for a Chan novice to start. [DVD]